Never mind the posts under. They're just all a laughing matter to me now :)

Oh yes, I completely don't know how I managed to write all those mushy stuff the last few months. I've truly out-gayed myself. Whatever stuff I wrote down in those entries though, meant so much to me at that time. But this time, I won't be making the same mistake as I did with my other blogs. I won't delete them just because I'm embarrassed.

Moving on, it's my 2nd bum day since the last day of school. Although, I'm still unsure if I'll pass all my subjects, I'm still happy it finally ended. It's not the endless drinking sessions nor the yearly ExcelLance I'm most looking forward to, it's actually the end. Just the end, that's right. I don't care about the celebration. We can do that anytime. But the sleep... Oh my gosh how would I even begin to explain the importance of sleep? Well lemme just say, I haven't had much of that last semester. Period.

In the past semester, I've met new friends. And I've met enemies. And I realized that backstabbing is actually very rampant nowadays. Well, I won't elaborate on that because the thought of it will just ruin my night. It's very saddening to know that the ones you considered as the best people you met turns out to be the worst ones. Frenemies, as they call it in modern times.

But as they say, these people makes you tougher. And the bad days makes the  other days good. Now I will start hunting for Internship. Corporate world, a world where backstabbing is not just rampant, but an epidemic.. Well, I wish myself good luck. I've been through a lot this semester and this will sound cheesy but, I won't back down too easily anymore. I've fought hard and fair to get to where I am now and I'll get what I deserve in the end.

Right now, I just wish to get some more sleep. Make time to fix my license, make up for the time I didn't spend with my friends and family and just go out with my two best friends..

Mood Shifters

I've been really stressing in school these past few weeks, especially today. So while riding the bus on my way home, I remembered what I read before about how you can cope up with negative things around you. The book said that one of the best things you can do is to make a list of things that contains words that makes you feel better whenever you see it or think about it. So, using my phone, I listed every single thing that makes me feel better. It's not a lot but I will fill this up every single time I get stressed (which I'm hoping not to happen anytime soon)..

• Staring at moving cars
• Long bus rides
• Bruno Mars' voice
• Updating my playlist with tons of new songs
• Visiting a newsstand and spotting a new issue of Reader's Digest and Top Gear
• Getting random texts from friends that somehow tells you they give a shit
• The thought of going home after a long tiring day
• A cup of ice cream
• A shot of zombie after a long day at school

Round up!

Dah, dah, dah... I don't really feel like writing a lot right now cos I just published something a moment ago, but I just really feel like I should somehow put up a blog entry before I bid this year goodbye...


    Let me enumerate some random things I've experienced this year:

• I became a legit and to celebrate that, I've thrown a birthday bash with my closest friends (awesome night)..
• I learned how to drive, both MT and AT, and most importantly, I learned what the term 'stick shift' is all about..
• Fell in love with photography and learned that it isn't really just about your passion to take pictures, but your passion to travel and explore places. Seeing it with your own eyes and preserving it with your camera.
• I was hired as an executive assistant, a photographer and a model all in one day..
• Went to 5 different malls in one week.
• Had a wonderful summer (I won't elaborate anymore)
• Went to Subic to "shoot" a film for our Computer class. But really, all we did was eat and laugh the whole day.
• Discovered that I am really a moody person.
• Discovered how bitchy I can get when really provoked.
• Broke a shoe while I was on a Pilgrimage.
• Felt like a proud mama for the first time when my photograph got featured on an exhibit in school.
• Found out that Bowling isn't as easy as it looks. 
• Got featured in an online magazine as one of the most stylish audience in Philippine Fashion Week Holiday Collection (Another "proud mama" moment)..
• Nailed a nude gown on our school event.
• Told my mom I'm sleeping when I'm really out partying at Eastwood.
• Flunked Statistics.
• Had a gazillion psycho ex-girlfriend trouble (I can hear Regina George say: "That's soooo last year" in my head)
• Jello shots at my house with some friends and you know who... 
• Had a go-see for SoFa's first ever Fashion Show Event along with my EDP Co-Models and we were 3 hours late cos we had trouble finding the place. For 3 hours, we've been doing nothing but go around Makati trying to find SoFa's tiny office like we're a bunch of mountaineers who are lost in a huge forest.
• Met the so-called "evil professors" of ICOMM and they aren't so bad.
• Sucked at my first ever impromptu speech.
• Felt like a real DJ on our Radio Prod Class.

These are just some of the things I've gone through this 2010.. Not everything is good, but it sure made me a wiser person. In 30 minutes I'll be welcoming 2011 with no expectations, no negativity, no grudges, no hate.. But instead, with a big smile on my face. And my New Year's Resolution? Just put some more fun in my life and live like I'm dying.

Happy New Year everyone! 

It wasn't just a summer love after all

It's been nine months since I met you. Yes, it's pretty early to say that I've forgotten how it all happened although I would deny that if you ask me, just so I wouldn't sound like I love you more than I tell you cos really, I do. More than you know..

It was in the last quarter of February when I saw you sitting at my favorite bench at school, and I swear you were checking me out first. Okay, well you didn't deny that... So you added me on Facebook but I ignored you thrice because I didn't recognize you (I know, I know, I already said I'm sorry alright?), when I finally added you and found out you were actually him, I can't verbalize the excitement I felt at that moment.

You told me a story about how you saw me before Valentine's Day in front of the campus. "You were wearing a violet shirt" were your exact words and just right after you said it, Colbie Caillat's song 'You Got Me' suddenly played in my head.

We went out, you met my friends and showed what a true gentleman you are by taking me to the place where I was staying without even thinking twice on how far it is from your place (considering the fact that your mom used your car and you had to ride a cab)..

It's all pretty fresh to me. It was actually the highlight of my year. But why am I now talking in past tense? Well, because that is what it's supposed to be.. PAST. When I met you and got to know you, I had a hunch that things are gonna get messy in the end but I'm not really the type that would go after my hunch so I went on with it and took my chances with you.

What we had was gold, but pursuing each other now is not really the best way to get everything back. We had our own little time together and we made the best out of it. Us being together is the definition of the word "Fun" but fun is not all there is. We ended for a reason. And for months I've been trying to figure out what that reason might be but I was not successful. I'm sure you did the same.

Cliche as it is, but thank you for making me happy and for also making me cry (no bitterness intended).. Without the tears, I wouldn't have realized so many things about myself. I must admit though, until now I'm still hoping your name would suddenly pop up on my cellphone, I still keep wondering what it'd feel like if you ask me out again and that's exactly why I need some serious time away from you.

We tried being friends but the question is, do we even know how to be friends when we didn't start with friendship at all? So this is my goodbye note to you (although you're not gonna be able to read this).. But don't worry, I still consider this a good year because of you, and I'm still glad you've been a part of it.

It wasn't just a summer love after all
                   ...but a memory that I shall cherish in this lifetime.

Spaghetti saves the day ...yet again!

Today I beat another record. I woke up at 6pm. Last record was 4pm. Well, no, I didn't go out last Thursday night, I just had a Lindsay Lohan marathon, my mom found a DVD that contains every single Lindsay Lohan movie you can ever think of and I took it, watched whole night and day then slept at about 6am, is it my fault that I couldn't sleep?

So I woke up, with my sight still hazy, the first thing I checked was my phone and I almost jumped from my bed when I saw 47 unread messages and 9 missed calls, most of them are greetings for Christmas. I thought they were all just greeting in advance, but to my surprise, it was actually the 24th of December already (No wonder I was dreaming of my mom's spaghetti the whole time!)

So I've been a bum the whole day. Opened my facebook, took a shower, helped mom prepare stuff for the three of us (Mom, dad and I), opened the wine and finished the whole thing myself, they say a glass of wine is healthy but what about a bottle?! Well, who cares.. Okay, I must be hella bored right now cause I'm documenting my whole day again. But you gotta admit though, it's good to see an entry from me that's not about my heartaches for a change.

I actually thought it was going to be a lonely dinner again cause it's just me and my parents, but no, it was alright, not the best but not so bad either. My brother's at his condo with his girlfriend but he promised to spend the New Year's Eve with us. Well he better be here by then or I'll go wherever he is and drag him all the way here at home.

Christmas Eve wasn't perfect, but with all the greetings and smiles I hear and see around me, I can somehow feel the "Spirit of Christmas" they're all talking about. Although I felt it much more back then, when my granny's still alive, back when I was still a kid and the only question I have in mind was which dessert's the best, back when I don't over-analyze things and back when the toughest thing to do was to take off the tape on my gift.

I'm no longer lonely, right now I just feel blessed that I'm still spending Christmas with both my parents, and that I can still taste my momma's Spaghetti that's to die for (if you haven't tasted it then you're missing out!), and I still have friends that even bothers greeting me through the internet or my cellphone even though I've always been MIA.

You can spend time with your friends all year long, and that is why Christmas should always be spent with family, it's the only time of the year where you're excused to be all cheesy and affectionate to your parents and siblings (especially for the not so affectionate ones like me)

Okay, it's 2am and I think I should turn in now (..or not!) Oh! By the way, Merry Christmas ;)

Only God knows if he's the one, but I'm having fun

So I've never been over him after all (you've seen the emotional posts, you be the judge).. For a week now, I just can't take him off my brain. But that doesn't mean I can't do anything about it. So I guess now's the time to do what I gotta do.. The "out of sight, out of mind" thing didn't work so maybe I'll have to come up with some more moving on strategy (or perhaps I can Google?)..

Tonight, I wanna write about this really awesome man who came into my life after you-know-who. I really got to give him some credit. The man who helped me get through the "loneliest" stage of a break up (well it's not a break up but that's how my friends called it).. Anyway, he lives in Manhattan, exactly 8,506 miles from where I am and we really have a huge time difference.

I added him on Facebook about a few months ago. I don't just add people by the way, and although I didn't know him at that time, I just really felt like doing so. A few months after that, he started using my photo as his profile picture which surprised me cos nobody has really done that, considering that we've never really talked so much. So yeah, that little act caught my attention. And since I'm on the internet everyday, I stalked him and found his little conversations with his friends about me.

That's when I started talking to him, almost everyday actually.. Constant chatting, comments here and there, sweet posts and stuff.. I've grown fond of him in a short period of time and one day, I just found myself waiting there, 1:00 am, in front of my laptop, waiting for his name to come up.

He's not just like any other guys (okay, you've probably heard that a million times, but it's true!) He's the type that writes me a message just because, posts sweet songs on my wall (his song for me is Bruno Mars' Just the way you are, by the way! I mean, what kind of girl wouldn't like that??) He even wrote me a song! (sigh...) He did all the sweetest things that I wish a guy would do for me. He even goes online on his lunch breaks just to talk to me..

You know how Bella described Jacob when they started hanging out? She described him as her "own personal sun". That's what he was to me.. "It's like the huge hole that has been punched through my chest was gone" (Bella's words not mine..) He made me forget my problems and helped me get through those hectic writing days of my first semester in college.. Whenever I can't sleep, he's always there talking to me..

But things have been complicated with us (maybe something's wrong with me? I can't figure out why it happens all the time).. He sent me a message saying he thinks we're better off as friends and that we both needed time to heal from the past heartbreaks we've had, especially him cos he's been in a long-term relationship about a year ago.. And not to mention the distance between us, he loves his job and his mom's there, his life's basically in New York now and I don't think that no one, not even me, could ever make him come and stay here in the Philippines again.

We've never talked since his last message and now I just learned that he is here. I have no idea if he'd still cook that pasta he promised he would make for me, I'm not sure if he wants to see me or not. I'm not sure about what I want either... Like I always say, come what may.. (I didn't mean for that to rhyme..)

So here's the message he sent me on October 6 at exactly 8pm (Facebook time):

???

I sit all alone with my thoughts
Listening to Bruno Mars songs
Checking a blank screen, when you’ll be coming on
Waiting to be online so we could talk for awhile
Maybe at the time we normally do
Coz with just one “hey” I can feel your warmth

Refrain:
Minutes seems like hours
Hours seems like days
As slowly it’s killing me
Oh can you hear me? I’m trying to whisper
Your name across the distance
But it doesn’t relieve the pain
That I still can’t touch you Girl.

Chorus:
Ohh I hate this long distance
Don’t know what to do
I’m so into you baby
And I can’t help the way I feel
Everytime I think of you, I can’t turn around nor move no
Don’t know what to believe, my heart and mind says
You are what I never knew I always wanted girl

I met her in a strange place
I never thought I could love a girl like her
No, its not admiration or wild attraction
She’s amazing like the stars above beautiful
Her face, her smile, her love awaken my soul
Now look what you have done girl
(repeat refrain- chorus)

Please believe everything I say to you
I want you to see how beautiful you are to me
And how can I let go, I can’t help it
Need to see you, feel you, love you
But you’re hundred miles away
So I just want to say…


hey, can you give title to this song? i didn't sleep the whole night so id just wrote a song for you..:)

Dear brain, sorry for overloading you with thoughts of him..

I knew it was such a bad idea to come see you 2 nights ago. Now I just can't take you off my brain. You didn't call me that night and last night, not that I was expecting you to, but I was hoping that's what you'd do. Cause that's exactly what you did the first time we met, the first time we danced together, the first time we had a formal date, the first time I told my parents I was staying late in school just to be with you, the first time you experienced to be in a real fashion show with me, the first time you met my mom and we'd steal a kiss when she's not looking.

 At first I was not used to the thought of you calling me almost every second, with no apparent reason. But you made me get used to it, not tired of it, just used to it. Just enough to make me feel worried whenever you don't call me before. And that's exactly what I'm feeling now. I'm worried that you won't call me ever, or maybe you were constantly calling someone else now.

Hey, have I told you I dreamt of you last night? (make that this morning).. I slept thinking about you and I woke up thinking about you. My dream was so clear and it made me wish it was real. It was something that could've happened if we just ignored people around us. While I was dreaming, I felt happiness seeing your face, I felt love. And when I woke up, I felt disappointment that it was not true. That I'm actually just here in my room, without you.

I know this is unhealthy, cause I should move on now. But I just can't anymore. Well. I did move on, but when I saw you 2 nights ago, I knew I was screwed...